whole

Moutains

I have been "off the grid" for the last few days in the Blue Ridge Mountains! This territory is very special to me and always has been. The mountains are dynamic and powerful. I have been out of cell phone range, trying to cut back on internet time, spending time with my mama and walking through the woods. I recommend it.

As much of a city person as I am there is always a part of me that is brought to life out here that never is in the city.

I'll upload pictures when I'm back on the gri(n)d.

growth

i planted some seeds, and they have germinated.

this may not seem like a big deal, because if you've ever been in my apartment or in any of the college dorm rooms I've lived in, you know that i love houseplants. keeping something alive when you get it that way--at least whatever hearty pre-potted, lightning-quick-regenerative vines i've acquired over the years--isn't that difficult anymore.

on the other hand, growing my own vegetables, if it works out, will be a really big deal for me. i'm excited as shit about the fact that little green sprouts are peaking through the ready-made soil pellets i planted the seeds in and then stuck under Danielle's bed last weekend, a few feet from the radiator. i feel like a kid who just got a 98 on a spelling test the next level up, like when i first rode the bike without training wheels ( i remember the tennis court), like i felt a couple weeks ago when i did a whole hour on the elliptical for the first time since i can remember, or like i felt a few hours ago when the doctor, a doctor, wanted to shake my hand after i told him what kind of work i do. (seeing the growth of the seeds actually gave me a lot MORE satisfaction than the doctor's appreciation, because i find my job so enjoyable and rewarding that it deserves no congratulations beyond that). little personal moments of pride and joy that are mine. little things that don't have to matter to anyone but me, and are delightful as-is. and i sound sappy right now... but this content that i've been feeling lately is just that startling.

on saturday i'm going to plant the rest of the seeds, a staggered second set, the ones that say on the back of the little oaktag packets that they should be planted indoors closer to the timing of the last frost. i don't know from a farmer or grower's perspective if the seed germination is one of the hard parts. for all i know, seeds always grow into green leafy life things like this and then the hard part is knowing how and when to transfer them outside, and then into bigger pots, and water and light ratios and whatnot. maybe i'll never have any tomatoes to even taste for edibility. actually i surely wont unless i pick up some more seeds or seedlings, because the mom-and-pop hardware/garden supply store i got my seeds at didn't have any. whatever, maybe nothing will ever grow past sprout-size.

germination sure seems big.

the last time i remember writing for myself at length--without prompt, assignment, or argument (what my grandfather would call Staring at One's Bellybutton)--i was in relationship drama. it was almost all internal, as i was about to break up with my college boyfriend (to date one of the best people i have ever known) and i was, for a long time on my own, slowly but surely coming to terms with the necessary end of a long, healthy, and loving relationship. i'm fairly certain that sometimes we somewhat subconsciously prevent ourselves from reaching those weighty realizations that will mean imminent and major change once we acknowledge them. anyway, i wrote about it a lot, probably because i was so worked up by the emotional battle of simultaneously trying to and trying not to know what i was feeling. i wrote my way around it, over it, and through it.

the time before that, another period i can remember when i would sit with coffee and laptop and write about whatever, like my Microsoft Word was a diary, i had just been broken up with by my high school boyfriend who, though i knew was my first and one of many to come, i had actually thought would probably love me forever. And before that, i wrote about my mom. i think that time it was assigned, i was writing about her for a class and later turned it into a college essay, if i'm remembering correctly. each time it was kinda the same deep-rooted emotional turmoil at hand as the subject of my verbosity, each time i worked through it in writing (shared or unshared) and each time i went through a period of (either minimally or maximally) angst in writing, i was a little more grown. a little more self-aware, a little less self-deprecating, a little more comfortable with myself, a little less self-conscious.

i am not experiencing internal drama right now. unless it's one that has drugged me into thinking i'm happy when i'm really miserable, i'm not in the eye of any storm, or even at the edge of any storm. don't get me wrong, i have issues and problems and dilemmas and worries and fears and aches. but i'm not in the middle of any all-consuming crisis, and it's a refreshing place to write from. for me, anyway. not gonna make any bets on the experience reading.

things making me feel alive (yes figuratively) today ( sap sap sap)

-the book i'm reading. Jailhouse Lawyers: Prisoners Defending Prisoners v. the U.S.A., Mumia Abu-Jamal.

-sun! but also the rain

-white blossoms

-fuckin bright pink nail polish (not over it)

-an email from my father

-that crush feeling i have about NYC as a place

-thinking about law.

-twitter

Doctor Lawyer Teacher

Heather Day of What's Popping NYC reminds us what hip hop is actually about. She recorded this for her students.

Doctor, Lawyer Teacher from Heather Day on Vimeo.

Superbowl 2010

Aviva and I communicate using many social media tools. Twitter. Thefacebook. Blogs. E-mail. Gchat. Our favorite is leaving pictures on each other's facebook walls. Today Viva tried to leave me a picture of her WHO DAT tee shirt and I tried to do that same. Facebook photo sharing was not working for either of us. Screenshot it is. GAUX SAINTS!

Chocolate Beet Cake

[Crossposted from Squashmush]

This morning my dear friend, Erika, and I attempted making Chocolate Beet Cake. The process is fantastic. Boiling Beets, getting the amazingly strong color all over your skin and having to be careful not to wear white.



It’s great. Beets are such a neat, royal veggie. Erika had eaten beet cake before ( I, on the other hand, was a B C virgin) and well, each time she’d had some before it tasted a little less like, well, beets.

I think we over did it on the beets (we used 3 HUGE ones and after blended it probably made a bit more than the two cups that recipe called for.) But other than that the recipe is great and the texture and richness were yummy. If nothing else, its cool to be able to make a cake with beets.

Chocolate Beet Cake
from John Peterson’s Farmer John’s Cookbook: The Real Dirt on Vegetables

3-4 medium beets READ ABOVE COMMENTS ON THIS MATTER
butter and flour for preparing the pan
4 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 c. mild-flavored vegetable oil
3 eggs
1¾ c. sugar
1 T. vanilla extract
1½ c. all purpose flour
½ c. whole wheat pastry flour
2 t. baking soda
¼ t. salt
powdered sugar for dusting

1) Scrub the beets with a vegetable brush and trim roots. Trim stems and save greens for some other use. (I’m not sure what other use, but I’m working on it.) Bring a pot of water to a boil and add the beets. Boil for 20-30 minutes, or until the beets are tender and the skins slip off easily. Let the beets cool a little, the slip the skins off under cold water and then purée the beets in a blender or food processor. You should have about 2 cups of beet purée.




2) Preheat your oven to 375°F. Butter and flour a Bundt pan and set it aside. (This is where I went wrong — I followed the original instructions to coat the pan with oil (!) and did not abandon ship even when I noted that the oil was pooling in the bottom of the pan rather than coating the whole interior of the pan. Use butter; it sticks.)

3) Fill a medium saucepan about halfway with water and bring the water to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and set a heat-proof bowl over the simmering water. Place the chocolate and ¼ c. of the oil in the bowl and heat, stirring frequently, just until the chocolate melts.

4) Combine the eggs and sugar in a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer until fluffy. Slowly beat in the remaining oil, the chocolate mixture, beets, and vanilla.



5) In a medium bowl, whisk together the flours, baking soda, and salt. Gently stir the flour mixture into the egg and chocolate mixture until just combined.

6) Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean, about 45 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven and cool on a wire rack for 30 minutes.



Carefully remove the cake from the pan and allow to cool completely before sprinkling with powdered sugar to serve.

"I just learned fast because I had the resources to."

Check out this article in creative loafing about 13 year old sophomore at Morehouse College, Stephen Stafford. He casually mentions that he does not feel particularly different than other kids just simply that he had the resources to learn quickly.

Word 13 year old Morehouse kid, Word.

We all have (are) greatness.

(re)(de)fining the SUPERDOME

CONGRATULATIONS! TO THE

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

FOR THEIR CONFERENCE TITLE AND SPOT IN THE SUPER BOWL.

WE LOVE YOU

Time To Start Strategizing

about how I am going to tell this guy I am in LOVE with him and his words...
Any ideas?





-typewriterblues

she is always speaking to us if we are listening.

Women of Color in America have grown up within a symphony of anger, at being silenced, at being unchosen, at knowing that when we survive it is in spite of a world that takes for granted our lack of humanness, and which hates our very existence outside its service. And I say symphony rather than cacophony , because we have had to learn to orchestrate those furies so they do not tear us apart.

– Audre Lorde “The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism”

Yom Kippur

MY favorite holiday after my birthday just ended. Stacie spoke beautifully on their blog about the holiday of Yom Kippur including some of the important questions to think about on such a day. For many progressive and/or radical Jews the holiday can be a difficult sell. Yom Kippur is about atoning for one's sins. It is about taking away all distractions to focus on a relationship with divine based on seeking forgiveness for what wrongs we committed in this past year that qualify as sin and focusing on what we intend to do in this coming year. Many folks take issues with such a relationship with the divine and with condemning ourselves as sinners. Traditionally people fast from sundown the evening before through sundown of Yom Kippur day.

I have been doing this for many years and every year I am so hungry. I always took my hunger as part of my experience and worked so hard THROUGH my hunger to find meaning in the holiday. I was not hungry this year. I was instead heightened by not thinking about food, not thinking about my phone, about my blog, about twitter (ruby_beth), about falling in love, about sex, about what to wear and I instead spent most of my day in temple listening, chanting and reconnecting with the things I love and respect about my self and my community and the things I wish to improve upon. Wow. What a difference a day makes. I feel renewed internally and feel the beginnings of building community with the people I was in temple with. I was not condemning to myself but I was very challenging and critical of the things that I take for granted.

The unbelievably special place that my mama and I have attended high holidays services for many years in called Bet Haverim and it was founded by a small group of gay men and lesbians in the Atlanta area that could not find the type of inclusive community they were looking for in Jewish communities in Atl. It is a powerfully inclusive space and is constantly working to improve upon its mission of inclusivity.

Driven by the pleasure of community, we are a congregation that fully understands the needs of families and individuals whose history, outlook or situation means they have not felt comfortable enough in typical Jewish community environments to relax and be themselves. Alternative families, single parents, interfaith families, gays and lesbians, Jews of color, families with adopted children of color, and Jews with a progressive mindset all experience the safe haven of true acceptance at Bet Haverim.

This special place is part of why this holiday is so much more about love and understanding than it ever has been about self hatred and wrath. But really.. I mean REALLY REALLY it was about prioritizing and allowing myself time with myself with my "faults" with my joys and with my contradictions.

RUBIES

a heads up: geographical distance between your 2 lovely contributors, now in ATL and NYC when previously both within a square mile of CT, might just make this blog a little more sentimental on occasion.


but i wanted to say: RB you may be broke but YOU ARE ONE OF THE RICHEST PEOPLE I KNOW.



"rich"

4.	abounding (usually fol. by in or with): a countryside rich in beauty; a design rich with colors.

5.	of great value or worth; valuable: a rich harvest.

6.	(of food) delectably and perhaps unhealthfully spicy, or sweet and abounding in butter or cream: a rich gravy; a rich pastry.

8.	sumptuous; elaborately abundant: a rich feast.

9.	using valuable materials or characterized by elaborate workmanship, as buildings or furniture.

10.	abounding in desirable elements or qualities: a man rich in kindness.

11.	(of wine) strong and finely flavored.

12. (of color) deep, strong, or vivid: rich purple. ("Prices of rubies are primarily determined by color.")

13.	full and mellow in tone: rich sounds; a rich voice.

14.	strongly fragrant; pungent: a rich odor.

15.	producing or yielding abundantly: a rich soil.

16.	abundant, plentiful, or ample: a rich supply.

17.	Automotive. (of a mixture in a fuel system) having a relatively high ratio of fuel to air (contrasted with lean ).

18.	Informal. a. highly amusing. b. ridiculous; absurd.

MY VERY OWN STATE OF VERMONT FIRST STATE IN COUNTRY TO LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE THROUGH LEGISLATIVE ACTION (not court ruling). !!!!!!!!!!!

nyt: MONTPELIER, Vt. — The Vermont Legislature on Tuesday overrode Gov. Jim Douglas’s veto of a bill allowing gay couples to marry, mustering exactly enough votes to preserve the measure.

The step makes Vermont the first state to allow same-sex marriage through legislative action instead of a court ruling.

photo album-induced nostalgia for a time before i was born

i am sitting in my mother's bed in philadelphia, looking at old photo albums. in a thick dark red burgundy one, not the one labeled "alan and robyn 1983" but another one, I find a charmingly sweet and funny narration of my parents' wedding, scrawled in my mother's handwriting, accompanying the photos.

"people already waiting; robyn hasn't changed yet."
"everyone waits in the hot sun while robyn scribbles down their vows."

two long paragraphs about marriage, aka "a public statement of our commitment to each other" as a way to "better preserve our sense of equality," a "time in our lives where we feel it is appropriate to create a refuge from the turmoil around us...indeed, from this center we will have even more energy to reach out."

a description of chupah as symbolic of community...
AND THEN
their vows.
my mother's starts off with "you give me an image of a world to strive for."
my father's ends with,
"i want to marry you because i believe that together we can raise children who will be better prepared to create peace."

my parents divorced years ago, and i've never had quite such a perspective on their marriage, though i have been musing for awhile now, when i think about their now seemingly unlikely union, on how successfully they imparted my sisters and me with their values.

on another note, in a photo of them in their new house, the busy fruit wallpaper of the living room is interrupted by a mustard-colored poster which reads in block letters, 'ARTISTS CALL AGAINST U.S. INTERVENTION IN CENTRAL AMERICA.'

in light of this poster, the personalities and politics of my parents in their twenties-- newly articulated by my discovery of the narration of their wedding, and a first-hand experience of my own politics, personality, and imaginations of my own love and/or something like marriage, let me say: how some things don't change.

eternal principles of right

james weldon johnson writes, in the autobiography of an ex-colored man, 1912

"the greatest interest of the audience was centered on Booker T. Washington, and not because he so much surpassed the others in eloquence, but because of what he represented with so much earnestness and faith. And it is this that all of that small but gallant band of colored men who are publicly fighting the cause of their race have behind them. Even those who oppose them know that these men have the eternal principles of right on their side, and they will be victors even though they should go down in defeat."

this quote reminds me of the letter written by activists in Austin in response to learning that a co-organizer was a government informant. they referenced "the trust and openness that give our communities cohesion and power."

i keep going back to this last sentiment. it speaks worlds to me, reminding me that as impossible as these struggles may seem because we are up against power and money ( and i can only imagine how they seem for those with less social/economic status than i have been unjustly afforded!), our very strength is in our refusal to accept society's definitions of what is important (individual over the collective, which leads us not to be open and not to trust one another), and who is more human/deserving/etc.

a part of me reacts to the idea that one side is right. and yet, as sociology professor rob rosenthal reminded me last week, all activism is by definition arrogant*, we believe ourselves to be right, to have a better idea of what justice looks like or what other reality is more desirable than the status quo. perhaps what Johnson calls 'the eternal principles of right,' that which will ultimately win out because it has to, is what i think of as (again!) humanity-- some underlying, over-arching entity of good, an essence of what we are as human beings and what we share as members of a species, that will always have more capacity to generate love than hatred.

i believe in this humanity more strongly than i believe in all else.

* partial definition of arrogant, since the word has such negative connotations: "making claims or pretensions to superior importance or right"

rest of the definition: overbearingly assuming; insolently proud

how do we find the balance between holding on to our dearest beliefs and not doing so in such a way that prevents us from keeping our eyes/ears/minds open to critique and change?

just in case you haven't had the chance to check out all the links, on the right, to other blogs:
from Alexis Gumbs' brokenbeautiful press:

"the basic assumption that love, knowledge and inspiration are renewable resources for revolution that we produce together everyday"